So we are going to try to explain some of the reasons behind these rules. But there will always be times when God sets up situations where we need to follow a rule without understanding the reason behind it. The bottom line is that he wants us to show faith in him even when we don't understand the reasons behind his demands.
Some people have assumed that the only reason for rules about promiscuous sex are to protect against sexually transmitted diseases, and to guard against unwanted pregnancies. On that basis, they assume that condoms have put an end to biblical injunctions against sex outside of marriage. But there is more to sex than this purely biological approach.
Even in our promiscuous society a high percentage of people end up married to one person for their entire life. They don't do this because they are afraid of getting a sexually transmitted disease; and many of them do not even have religious reasons for remaining faithful in marriage. They stay faithful because they see some very real benefits in doing so. Marriage is the most intimate relationship we can have with another human being; and it depends very heavily on trust. We have an in-built need for long-term meaningful relationships; and marriage is the ultimate fulfilment of this need.
One of the best motivations for being faithful to your marriage partner is simply to imagine how you would feel if he or she was unfaithful to you. Sure, marriage can be boring at times; the other person can get on your nerves and test your patience; and marriage commitments can restrict your freedom to do what you please in other areas of your life. But when two people work through these negative aspects of the relationship over a period of many years, the result is usually an even deeper love and even greater feeling of fulfilment than they had when their marriage was primarily built on biological needs.
Even people who have affairs usually hide it from their spouses, because they do not want to end the marriage relationship. What the affair offers in excitement and adventure, the marriage more than matches in security and understanding.
But even the most forgiving spouse cannot erase the feeling of betrayal that remains after learning that a partner has been unfaithful. One moment of weakness can destroy a trust that someone has spent half a lifetime developing.
It helps to remember that no matter how exciting an affair might sound, it too will eventually turn into a relationship with all the same problems: boredom,
impatience, and restrictions. If you spend your life running away from relationships that make such demands on you, you will find yourself in old age without anyone to turn to.
God knows all of this, and that is why he demands that we stay faithful in marriage. It's in our own best interest to do what he says. To illustrate the seriousness of this rule, God does not allow a "second chance". He can forgive you for blowing your first marriage, but then he makes an example of you, by refusing to let you start over with someone else. Either seek reconciliation with your original partner, or stay single for the rest of your life. That's his rule (more on this later) and it's for our own good.
It is easy to see how unfaithfulness within marriage hurts your partner. But promiscuity before marriage also has a negative effect on the marriage relationship. It affects both your attitude toward your partner and your partner's attitude toward you.
If both parties have been promiscuous it does not cancel out the damage that has been done. It only compounds it.
I confided to a friend that I felt embarrassed by my lack of experience when I got married. He said, "Lack of experience is the best thing in the world for marriage. I slept around before marriage, and now I have a lot of memories haunting me whenever my wife doesn't measure up to some of the sex-crazed girls that I went out with."
One thing that adds excitement and adventure to marriage is discovering new secrets about what turns each other on. These aren't the ultimate ingredients in a happy marriage, but they do add a little spice.
If all the spices have been used up prior to marriage, things can only go downhill in that area after marriage. It can be a source of great frustration when one or both parties have to compete against the performances of previous sex partners.
Even the most sexually promiscuous people regard sex with a virgin (whether male or female) as a great privilege. It gives them the opportunity to write on a clean slate, so to speak. They have this unique role in the life of the uninitiated person. Most people have strong recollections of their first experiences with sex. How much nicer if these memories can be a part of the nostalgia that a married couple share in common with each other.
Then there is the awkwardness of meetings between two people who have shared the same sex partner. Each time we have sex with someone, we give something of our spiritual energy to that person. And if we break off the relationship, our very identity begins to fragment. If we have to hide from or move away from situations which may bring us into contact with people with whom we have formerly been intimate, it makes our life something of a lie.
Even people who have affairs usually hide it from their spouses, because they do not want to end the marriage relationship. What the affair offers in excitement and adventure, the marriage more than matches in security and understanding.
But even the most forgiving spouse cannot erase the feeling of betrayal that remains after learning that a partner has been unfaithful. One moment of weakness can destroy a trust that someone has spent half a lifetime developing.
It helps to remember that no matter how exciting an affair might sound, it too will eventually turn into a relationship with all the same problems: boredom,
impatience, and restrictions. If you spend your life running away from relationships that make such demands on you, you will find yourself in old age without anyone to turn to. God knows all of this, and that is why he demands that we stay faithful in marriage. It's in our own best interest to do what he says. To illustrate the seriousness of this rule, God does not allow a "second chance". He can forgive you for blowing your first marriage, but then he makes an example of you, by refusing to let you start over with someone else. Either seek reconciliation with your original partner, or stay single for the rest of your life. That's his rule (more on this later) and it's for our own good.
It is easy to see how unfaithfulness within marriage hurts your partner. But promiscuity before marriage also has a negative effect on the marriage relationship. It affects both your attitude toward your partner and your partner's attitude toward you.
If both parties have been promiscuous it does not cancel out the damage that has been done. It only compounds it.
I confided to a friend that I felt embarrassed by my lack of experience when I got married. He said, "Lack of experience is the best thing in the world for marriage. I slept around before marriage, and now I have a lot of memories haunting me whenever my wife doesn't measure up to some of the sex-crazed girls that I went out with." One thing that adds excitement and adventure to marriage is discovering new secrets about what turns each other on. These aren't the ultimate ingredients in a happy marriage, but they do add a little spice.
If all the spices have been used up prior to marriage, things can only go downhill in that area after marriage. It can be a source of great frustration when one or both parties have to compete against the performances of previous sex partners.
Even the most sexually promiscuous people regard sex with a virgin (whether male or female) as a great privilege. It gives them the opportunity to write on a clean slate, so to speak. They have this unique role in the life of the uninitiated person. Most people have strong recollections of their first experiences with sex. How much nicer if these memories can be a part of the nostalgia that a married couple share in common with each other.
Then there is the awkwardness of meetings between two people who have shared the same sex partner. Each time we have sex with someone, we give something of our spiritual energy to that person. And if we break off the relationship, our very identity begins to fragment. If we have to hide from or move away from situations which may bring us into contact with people with whom we have formerly been intimate, it makes our life something of a lie.
